Stealing time, and personal thoughts

This will not be a popular post. I know it. But I felt it was important to share what has been on my mind because it matters, as it doesn't just affect my work, but who I am to the very core.

Stealing time. That is what it has felt like of late. Like I have had to steal time... time to sleep. time to eat regular meals. time to spend with my family. time to be with my husband. And in those instances, I was never far away from being plagued by a sense of guilt. Like I was not allowed to have that time. In my head, there lurked an evil voice that kept whispering to me "you should be sitting at that computer, editing away, replying every email, and looking at all those photos!" and it would come again, and again, and again. I would see families hanging out in parks, laughing and enjoying life together when I would be working, and tiny seeds of envy would grow.

Deep down, I felt it should not have to be this way. Really. I can be the most organized and hard working and right on top of my game, and I honestly do have the best team of people working for me, but at the end of the day, it doesn't change the hard fact that I am working in an industry that does not give allowances for things that are so important - like regular family and rest times when everyone else is resting and having fun together, or attending my friends' weddings, or birthday parties, enjoying long weekend BBQs together, going on spontaneous last minute dates or holidays, grieving time if someone I know has died, celebration time if someone close to me has given birth, being there if someone I know is really unwell or needs my help, or when I get really really sick. We photographers are expected to pick everything up, suck it in, and carry on because our time is never our own.

Still, I love my job and what I do. I don't think that will every change, however over the last year, I have felt like I have lost little pieces of who I am along the way because I have had to sacrifice so much that mattered to me...and I didn't realize just how much so until the last couple of months where several things shook my world down to the ground, and left me shattered. As a result, they have acted as a megaphone to what I have always felt wasn't quite right. And so, it is the reason why I have been so quiet lately. 2010 as amazing as it was on a professional front, the year really left me spent and sitting on the fence looking at the greener grass on the other side.

So I spent much of the end of the year and beginning of the year doing what normal people do, on a daily and regular basis. While the time was never my own, I allowed myself to borrow it back for the time being. And it felt good. I remembered what it felt like to have time with the people that matter in my life, time to prioritize them and show them they mattered, and not just say it with my lips. And it felt very good. Because I knew this was the way things should be... I should not have to feel guilty for sleeping at 1030pm, or being able to sit with my family all night after dinner and just hang out, or spending the weekend enjoying life over some beer and wine, or being able to sit and watch an entire run of 30 rock together...it is what everyone else gets to do and most take it for granted. Me? I cherished it...every last fibre of it.... no one will ever ever ever fully or truly understand the gravity of that, but know that it meant the WORLD to me.

To those photographers out there who are snickering and think I am weak, go ahead and scorn. I know I am being the stronger person here by choosing to say no, or choosing my family and friends over my work when it calls for it.

And don't worry... I am not leaving the industry, or quitting. Far from it.

What it does mean though, is that I am re-prioritizing....because I have always been a firm believer that a happy and enriched person will always make a better photographer... and that means that I need clients who understand that....who grasp that deeply. Who care. Because I need them to understand that when I shoot - I give ALL of my self and more because I care and love my clients THAT much. It is about so much more than just delivering the photos when I am working with a client....And I have realized when I work with clients who 'get' that, the images naturally, and organically turn out better because of that unspoken but magical affinity we share. Because these clients give me what I need to be the best person I can be, what results is that I can be the best photographer I can be :) At the end of 2010, I realized these are the people I want to work for.

I am hoping 2011, will be the start of much more of that, and the start of taking back my life for myself.

I thank all my clients who do fathom and appreciate this about me - it sounds selfish, but you understand that it is a part of me that makes ME better. And as a result, it makes JSP BETTER. And because of that, it makes our photos SO MUCH BETTER. To me? that is a win-win :) Because you understand that, I want to give you nothing but my very very very best. You have been blessings from God because you have given me the allowance, grace, and time for me to really 'see' :)

With love,
JS

EDIT: Since this post was published yesterday, in light of this entry, I received ALOT of messages afterwards telling me to hire people to look after my work and stop working alone. I have not been working alone since the first year I started full time, and I am very blessed to have the people that work for me, do what they do. They work very hard to add to JSP and service our clients, so we would appreciate if you could understand that this post is not so much about time management on a day to day basis (as the JSP team is fabulous and I love each member of our team), but more so about the kind of people we would love to work for long term - clients who understand that at times, things happen that are completely out of my control (I dont want them to happen - like, getting very sick, or someone passing away, or someone important to me giving birth, etc), but that if they do, to be generous enough to give us allowances to heal, or cope, and step away from the business for a little while - because in turn, we want to deliver the very best photos possible. Our goals are exactly the same. To those who understand this - thank you from the bottom of my heart. To those who have been scorning and seeing this as a weakness, I am also okay with that and respect our differences. I know where I stand, and I truly believe that I am doing the best thing here for myself and JSP, out of love :)

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

I think I have read my fill, my complete fill of wrap up blog posts from everywhere. Seriously. So much verbal verbosity had gone through me that I threw out on facebook and twitter yesterday to describe your 2010. But in one word. One single word to sum up your whole past year. Because we can so easily hear about one's life if given a thousand words. But how fascinating is it, to be able to know one's life for the last 365 in just a single word. I learnt so much from all of you. So thank you for sharing. Now it is my turn. My year, was saturated.

While everyone is running around cooking up their New Year's Eve plans, and gearing up for the annual countdown to the dawn of the next 365 days, I'm going to admit here that I am a little scared of 2011 creeping around the corner. New years, always mean the bringing of the new. Yeah, that's stating the obvious, I know... but tied up with the word new, are words like unknown. Or change. Or expectation. And to a creature of comfort and security like myself, those words are scary. Because change, expectation, and the unknown can also bring about disappointment. And for a dreamer who dreams and hopes so much...so very very much...that is scary - scary times three.

I'm sighing as I am writing this you know. The sigh is my way of relinquishing the fears, and just keeping my eyes on the hope and excitement of the other side of 2011 stepping through the door. Because sometimes change can be good. Better in fact. And that is my hope for the next year.... the next 365 days...to be good. Better in fact :)

On that note, 2010 was amazing. Crazy, delirious, lightning quick, and noisy, but all round amazing. Most of you won't know it... in fact if you have been following my footsteps the last 365 days, all you probably would have felt from my vibes would have been my extreme busyness and the search for air from time to time... but behind the scenes, it was a year of transition. A year of lessons. And a year of challenge. I felt pushed like I had never been pushed before... personally, professionally, and creatively...and I won't be shy to say that it was hard. Extremely hard. But in looking back, I have learned much, and I am so grateful to be standing on this side of the year with the eyes I now have to look at the world and people in it because it means that I stand a little wiser, and a better photographer for it. And praise God for getting me through in one piece.

So thank you to everyone who filled my 2010. God for giving me everything. Every last molecule of it. He continues to give give give, and I still don't know why. But I stand blessed because of Him. My husband and my family who fill all the in betweens with their love, support, honest reproach, and especially normality - because although I never knew it, I needed it.

And to my clients. Without your beautiful faces, and amazing love stories, what would fill these pages? Absolutely nothing. So for your friendship and trust in my camera to capture your essence, thank you. You are the faces of JSP and have made it what it is today.

To everyone else, happy New Year :) I hope you are exactly where you want to be as we all count down, and hope for the next 365 days. I know I am exactly where I want to be as the last page of 2010 closes.

**Below: From probably my favourite moment of 2010. I was shooting an amazing session at Santa Monica beach in Los Angeles, California earlier this year....watching THIS most beautiful sunset...it was the most incredible I had ever seen in my life. By my side was my husband at that moment. And we were enjoying life. That's what it is all about :) **

And lastly, MY 2010 SLIDESHOW - SHOTS FROM EVERY SESSION THIS YEAR :)

*If I have forgotten you in this slidshow, please forgive me! It's the end of the year, I'm in holiday mode, and I've just dug through 20TB of files to try and include everyone possible. My brain is a little fried :)* Enjoy!! :D For those reading via RSS, you can view the slideshow HERE. Don't forget to press the HD button for proper viewing quality :)

Chronic Romantic

I shouldn't be up at this hour. Let alone blogging! But I can't help it. The thought has been stewing in my mind for the last few days. And sadly, I was not born the type of person who could bottle things in for long. I am THAT person who buys the perfect present and then HAS to tell the recipient before Christmas because I can't keep my excitement in.

What am I rambling about? I'm a chronic romantic. I won't show it. In fact, talk to me long enough, and you won't even breathe a hint of it. But existing in the crevices of my veins, in hidden spaces, I am a chronic romantic.

A chronic romantic. It means that even at the age of 28, I still love fairytales. I still love the fact that serendipity can throw your life into a frenzy, but as a result you 'accidentally' meet your prince charming against all odds. I still love that you can spend years searching, only to realize the one for you was the one in front of you the whole time. I still love the idea of kisses in the rain. I still love that moonlit walks on the beach while the warm summer breeze gently wraps its wings through your hair is one of the most lovely adventures you can go on in twos. I still love the notion that first loves can also be your last. I still love that it is never too late to tell the one you love them. And I still love that you can hope for any of the above while waiting for love to hit you in it's own unique way whether in sentimental glittery, or steadfast determination.

I've spent the past few days lost... LOST in decision. Because frankly I can't make one. I'm elbow deep in submissions from real-life couples for my upcoming workshop in Singapore, and one of the questions I asked each pair of lovers was 'Tell me your love story". Most photographers would look at me with a raised eyebrow and go 'why do you care? Just pick the best looking ones and use them for your workshop'. But you see, when you are a chronic romantic, you can't help but care. You can't help but want to know what draws two people together. What trials and tribulations they have gone through together. What joys they have shared. And how the tides of life join and then lock two souls as one despite distance, or personal differences, or breakups, or even just the weathering of time.

To me? To the chronic romantic? It all matters. Every last drop of it matters.

Hollywood throws at us so many concoctions and portrayals of how love is, or how love weaves through our lives, how love gives birth, and how love departs....but in all honesty, with my job, and the lovers I meet on such a frequent basis, I say it is the real life lovers that win. Hands down. Because they are genuine. Validated by the honest rawness of life . And that is what makes it oh-so-palpable, not to mention inspiring to transcend in photos.

So that is why it is hard. So hard. All because I am a chronic romantic. Who cares.

I have to make a decision soon, but I wanted to tell you that. So that next time if I ask you to tell me about the two of you, or share your love story. It is because deep down in the marrow of my bones, I cherish the story of the union. I love hearing. It makes me smile, and it continues to prove to me that despite all the ugly that can arise from love, it can still be the most wondrous and beautiful experience, and that real true love (though hard), can definitely undeniably last.

Thank you to any of my couples (past and present) who have shared your lives and love story so openly with me, and then let me translate that to the photos that hang on your walls. Please know you have left footprints on my heart.

**Sneak peek from one of my last shoots of 2010. A love story that truly moved me :) **

Merry Christmas 2010 :)

I'm sitting here on our cream coloured sofa, and surrounded by kleenex. ALOT of it. It seems that there is a very unforgiving virus going around, and I happen to have been the recipient of it... TWICE :(

So, while work has halted as a result of this and I am stuck on this couch coughing and sneezing, I thought I'd share with you Project Christmas Tree 2010. Yes, it became a PROJECT this year. Why? Well, because the last two years, my husband and I have had a legless tree sitting in the house. Every year, we plan to find a new way to support the tree - we've used vases, pots, and even a drum seat stand! :) And the drum seat stand served perfect... until we took it out from storage recently, and it fell into an uncountable number of pieces :(

So this year, I waved the white flag and begged Ju for a new tree instead of having to find yet another tree-leg replacement. He said yes! :D So while he was away for work, I started Project Christmas Tree 2010 with a blue and silver theme (which was the same theme we had for our wedding 3 years ago!). 3 hours later, voila! All done! Have a look! :D I'm so happy! All it needs now are some presents to go under it!! hehe ;) ;)

On another note, it is the close for another year here at JSP. I'm contemplating and looking back over the year that has gone, and so much has filled the 365 days. It's likely that I'll write a more reflective post once the new year comes, but for now, I just want to say thank you. We have been to Phuket, New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, San Francisco, London, Germany, Austria, and next year is looking exciting for shoots in some lovely places which I am truly excited about! With the calendar about 3/4 full already for 2011, I just want to thank all our beautiful brides and grooms who trust us with your most special day - I can't WAIT to see you at your wedding and making some pretty pictures with you. It is YOU who make this job so so so amazing.

To my gorgeous 2010 couples, THANK YOU for making the past year so vastly incredible. I can't even begin to put down in words how much is in my heart for turning 2010 the craziest, fullest year to date. But just know that I have ALOT of love for you, for choosing me of all people, considering how much insane photographic talent that exists out there - it means THE WORLD to a girl like myself. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)

To those that leave me messages and comments on my blog and facebook (but especially my blog because this is my personal space!), please know that there is a bottomless pit of gratitude that goes out to you for reading my writings and looking at my photos, and then telling me your warm and encouraging thoughts. I need it more than you will ever know or understand :) I sometimes feel that I am writing to a big wide open space, all by myself, so thank you for plucking up the courage and leaving me your comments. I love each and every one of them, I read them all, and treasure each word. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)

Merry Christmas, and hope all of you have the most amazing 2011 out there :) Remember to celebrate it with your loved ones, and those who matter the most to you. I know I will be.

xx

~ Jenny

ps: For those that will ask, yes that is our new logo in the photo below. The new brand will unveil sometime next year :)

Midnight cravings

I am not a sweet tooth. Really. I'm the kind of girl who craves french fries, deep fried chicken, burgers.... you get the drift.

But when I opened up my fridge recently, I think I might have to re-consider my statement. Look what I found!!

That's right! There was not 1, not 2, not even 3, but 5... FIVE !!! tubs of Haagen Dazs ice cream. I have to admit, even though I am not the kind of girl who salivates at the latest cake creation, or drools over the pretty new pastries sitting in the local bakery, I do have a very soft spot for Haagen Dazs ice cream, so much so that I can't bear to have less than 2 tubs in my freezer. Above are my favourite flavours! And they happily take their turn in making an appearance when I am staying up to edit late at night, or just want a bang of heavenly goodness on my tongue to brighten up my day :)

And lastly, here is a dirty little secret - I can, and HAVE eaten haagen dazs ice cream first thing in the morning, and in the afternoon at lunch time, and at night in replacement for dinner (not all in the same day of course! I'm crazy, but not THAT crazy :P ).

Who says we have to wait until dessert to enjoy ice cream as good as this?? :) Hands up if you agree! ;)

With love, from the non -sweet toothed photographer :P

xx

Jenny

ps: Next week I will be back with a tonne of special things and announcements so stay tuned!!

A growing fetish...

I am going to unleash a secret here today. One that is rather embarrasing, but I figured that since it is a Friday and the weekend is coming, and spring is officially hitting our doorsteps, you'll overlook this tiny piece of insanity from me.

You see, I'm stressed. June - August was an overwhelmingly CRAZY (with capital letters and many exclamation marks) time for me, and if you know me, I can honestly handle a large amount of stress. So when I say I am overwhelmed, you know the anxiety is at a deliriously inappropriate level :P So I do a various number of things when I am feeling stressed. The list kind of goes like this:

1. Sing
2. Procrastinate (:P don't we all??)
3. Eat
4. Eat some more
5. Procrastinate again :P
6. And here is the weirdest one... I like putting on my favorite shoes of the moment and just walking around in them in my house! Yes, that's right... it doesn't matter what I am wearing that day, I'll put them on, and they make me feel ALL THAT MUCH BETTER. Seriously :) I'm weird, I KNOW.

And because I was stressed this morning, I did just that today :)

Oh I have to say, because stress levels have been on the high recently, I have amassed quite a collection lately!! I used to be someone who was only into clothes...but I think the fetish has migrated to SHOES now!! And I have to say they all each have a piece in my shoe lover heart :P That inclues my Steve Maddens (courtesy of the hubby - THANK YOU!!), my H&M pumps, my Charles and Keiths, my Vincci+ , my Kenneth coles, and the like :P

Have a look :)

Don't hate!! :P

So girls, if you see me drooling over your pretty pumps or shoes on your wedding day or shoot, and I can't stop talking about them, you'll understand it's because I just adore your impeccable taste! :D

Girls, tell me what are your favourite shoes?? Or better still, send me a pic or leave an image link in the comment bar! I wanna see!! It will really help to kick start my crazy weekend on a good note! :D

Have a beautiful friday everyone!

Love from the shoe-fetish photographer!
xox

Travel Destination: London, UK [Summer 2010] on FILM

It's been several weeks of solid city and country hopping. At the moment I'm parked here in a cosy cafe that's decked with wooden floorboards, warm smells of bacon and eggs wafting in the air, and fringed with freshly brewed coffee on a slightly chilly morning, at another airport, waiting to depart to the next city on my calendar. I have been awake since about 5 in morning, which has been unusual, given the fact that I do love (with an unhealthy passion) my desire to sleep in. However, I do appreciate the slow start to the day. More often than not, I need to protectively arm my days with double espresso shots in order to power through the frantic manicness that usually colours my schedule. So, it was a welcomed luxury to wake up early with an abundance of hours ahead of me to pack, freshen up, and lull my way to the airport in an untraditionally unhurried fashion.

So I sit here now, with Alicia Keys serenading through my newly purchased noise cancelling earphones, munching faithfully through one of my favourite kind of breakfasts - eggs benedict, drenched in velvety hollandaise sauce, roped with fresh baby spinach leaves, smoked ham, and turkish bread. All trimmed with a punchy cup of espresso. I can never go without my espresso :) I used to be a latte kind of girl, but my coffee palette seems to have gone through puberty or something because I am now craving that naked, full bodied, electric kick that comes from just the beans :) And I couldn't feel more alive in the after moments of letting it glide into my system. On a good day, I can take a double ;)

I don't get moments like this often, so I do treasure them. These quiet moments, that is. So when I was able to do that while in London recently, it was lovely beyond words to my happy heart. Marry that with the fact that the days were incredibly long :) Summer was definitely lilting her way throughout the town, and I completely loved the fact that the sun went down at 930 in the evenings! There were many instances where I was incredibly content to pick up my meal from Mark and Spencer , and casually make my way to a nearby park to just munch, relax, and people watch. Most people who look at me will often raise an eyebrow when I tell them I am just as happy to be on my own, with some solidly fantastic music, good food, inhabiting a corner comfortably in a cafe or a park under the trees while the sun is gently radiating around and the breeze is dancing in an affable and agreeable manner. Anyhow, I think there is a misconception that I am an extrovert, maybe because of the absolutely severe amounts AND lengths that I talk and let my mouth run. However the myers briggs personality test has totally trumped and killed this myth and proven that I am an introvert :P yes, an INTROVERT! Crazy right? ;) Okay, so I am only an introvert by a meagre 2 points (which technically means I can be either an introvert or extrovert), but nevertheless it does mean that I completely love (and need) my ME-time :)

Anyhow, that was a lot of verbal verbosity :P I really just wanted to share some photos I had taken in London while I was there recently. I got the films back, and these are my favourite :) At some point, I will probably share the digital photos I took as well, but we'll leave that for another time :) For now, hope you find some of the ones below ok! Sorry about the weird border around each photo! I have no idea what happened with my script on this new computer :P

Yes, that's Buckingham Palace and London Eye you see peering through the greenery above! :D


Typical English residencies - although somewhat of the prettier kind apparently. Kensington.



These were taken at St James Park. I love how in the summer you can sit on these awesome looking chairs and just sun bake in the middle of the park! :D




Oxford Street. The hub of the shopping in this city. I LOVED it. And it was sales galore!! :D




I think I was obsessed with the parks of London. I have no idea why. I find I pick up a fetish in every city/country I go to. In Europe 2008, it was locks and doors. In USA earlier this year it was letterboxes. In London this time, it was their parks. I visited ALOT of them! :P The above was along the grounds of Chiswick House (pronounced Chis-ick, thanks to my lovely british friends in Perth who generously corrected me when I pronounced it Chis-wick :P )



This shot above, and the couple below are just a few examples of pretty things I saw while walking the streets :)







And I'll end the post with my favourites (above shot and all the ones below), which were taken in Hampstead Heath Park when I took a very long walk through its extensive grounds. The light was incredible that afternoon, and I was very happy to just sit there amongst the golden fields, with all the other summer campers and just watch the world go by :)

Film: Travel Destination - Route 1 and The Big Sur, USA

These photos are highly overdue :P For those that have been following my blog, you'll know that I made the long trek to the USA a couple of months back :) As expected, I took a million and one photos, and as expected when I came back home life got in the way and all those photos got left sitting inside a dusty hard drive :P

Anyhow, one thing you may not know about me, is that I edit or look at my travel photos as a way to destress, and it is very theraputic for myself personally :) So you will know if travel photos go up on the blog, it means things are EXTREMELY crazy on my end, and this is my way of coping :P That, and eating Haagen Dazs ice cream! :D

As part of my tour around the states, I visited and road tripped along this AWESOME stretch of coastal land called "Route 1 and The Big Sur" - it is basically hundreds and hundreds of KM of cliff, ocean, and beach towns. Sadly, because it is along the coast, it means the area is frequented by alot of fog and rain (which I saw alot of - boo!), but the awesome thing about this place is that there are many beautiful little towns that are situated right by the beach/coast and it is phenomenally beautiful to witness and be part of on a sunny day :) Towns such as Monterey, Carmel (this was probably the prettiest! :D ), Santa Cruz, Morro Bay, and Santa Barbara were pit stops along the way along the 4 day trip.... and all were really gorgeous in their own right :)

I took alot of digital photos (which I may put up later :P ), but for now, here are some of the film photos that came back from that experience :) I wish there was more sun on the trip, but hey, you take what you can get when you are travelling ;)

As always, all film photos are unedited, hence the softer more pastel-like colours, and that pretty grain!! :D

Spanish Missions are very common along the California area. I loved the architecture, colours and rustic feel of the place! :D

Carmel Town :) I can't believe people are lucky enough to live with a view like this! :D

These were taken in Napa Valley when it was POURING RAINING! You should know by know I have a soft spot for yellow fields of flowers :P

Beaches like below were normal sights along the Route 1 coastal drive. And it was amazing! :D

I was OBSESSED with American letterboxes throughout my entire trip! I think I shot every single one I could find! :P I just love how cute they are!

Some pretty nature along the way :)

More missions :)

As there were alot of coastal towns, fisherman piers and clam chowder (which I learnt I didn't like!) were of the norm! :D

This made me sad :(

And Debbie!! If you are reading this, this shot I took just FOR YOU ;)

Stumbled upon this place on our way to find a particular beach. LOVED how ethereal and enchanting it looks! :D

And not forgetting the massive number of seals basking along the coast as well! :D

Two random lovers (at least I think they were :) )




Have a gorgeous day ahead everyone!

I'm still plowing through the insanity that is happening on my side, so bear with me! :D

with love!

xox